im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
