I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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