I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
