im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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