I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
