then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
