the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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