He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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