So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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