Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
