I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
