i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
