i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I love you.
Bad choice
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