Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
