I seem to have left my pride at pride
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
