Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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