yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I lost the right to judge tonight
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
