it was like his penis was on wheels.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize