Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
