I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize