My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
