I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
