dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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