thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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