I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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