this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
