i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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