Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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