Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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