Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize