i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
