I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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