Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
