Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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