Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
