Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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