Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We left the knife in your bed.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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