If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
