I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
