I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
