i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
