My liver just broke up with me...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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