Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
