I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
