I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you inspire me to be a worse person
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
