oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
