Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
