I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
