I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
