the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
