He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize