my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
