one two three fourrrrnication!
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
