It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
only you would photoshop your dick
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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