omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize