Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
