At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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