I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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