the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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