Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We need to get me chipped asap
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