Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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