Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
