I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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