how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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