shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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