You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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