Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
