Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
